Half-Hearted Love (Shizaya)
by Kajune
Summary: Shizuo loves Izaya, he loves him so much, yet the Informant refuses to fully accept his affections. Instead, every week they spend a night together, nights which bring Shizuo only pain, yet he is willing to endure. Shizaya


**Title **: Half-Hearted Love (Shizaya)

**Disclaimer** : I do not own any of the Characters of Durarara!.

**Genre** : Romance / Angst

**Warning **: Contains maleXmale content. OOCness.

**Summary **: Shizuo loves Izaya, he loves him so much, yet the Informant refuses to fully accept his affections. Instead, every week they spend a night together, nights which bring Shizuo only pain, yet he is willing to endure. Shizaya

* * *

It always turns out like this.

When overcome with an emotion he can't understand, can't interpretate, the twisted flea would knock on his front door (usually at night) and force his lips upon his. Should Shizuo fail to push the smaller man off him - which he always does - they end up in bed after many hours of thrashing around and making a mess of things.

Everytime, after the more-painful-than-blissful conclusion, Izaya would silently crawl out of bed and leave, with whatever is left of his clothes. Initially, Shizuo heavily protested the raven leaving, especially with it being their very first night together. However, Izaya reacted viciously and, unaware on how to respond, the blond quietly watched the door open and close, leaving Izaya with a pinkish bruise on his wrist.

Ever since, Shizuo has made less and less complaints over Izaya's near-weekly visits. Each time, Izaya would half try to kill him and half try to gain pleasure from him. It wasn't that he was plotting anything, no, and Shizuo was sure of that because he knew the real reason why, why his ex-boyfriend kept coming at him with less love and more hate than he'd prefer.

As Shizuo lies once again alone on his sweat and semen soaked bed, he stares at the ceiling and thinks back, at how this all started.

* * *

When Shinra introduced them, Izaya was quick to hate Shizuo, while Shizuo, was quick to lack any desire in getting to know the raven. He could smell trouble from him the moment before the sound of clapping hands reached his ears, right before those evil eyes met his own. He was tired, annoyed beyond words, so he obviously had no mood to get to know Izaya, who could only make him feel worse, make him feel less human.

However, while Shizuo wanted so much to avoid Izaya, the raven kept coming at him, provoking the monster within him. When the blond finally managed to ask why the raven kept torturing him, the answer was simple.

_He was a monster._

However, he was a monster that Izaya did not fear, unlike how most people did. When Shizuo noticed this, the constant lack of fear in the other's reddish eyes, he grew to enjoy the look, he grew to love those eyes, and eventually...love Izaya himself.

Since Izaya was a handsome guy, it was no surprise that some boys wanted to make him theirs. Shizuo had been lucky to find Izaya in time to stop a gang rape, and earn the raven's reluctant trust. From that point, Izaya started opening up to Shizuo, revealing things on his mind he didn't even tell his own parents.

In the end, Shizuo got to meet the human side of Izaya, and fully fell in love.

Izaya, on the other hand, was unwilling to consciously accept any change in their relationship. He still kept hurting Shizuo with gangs, kept having his stuff stolen and getting him in trouble with the law, but as time progressed, all this toned down. The raven didn't want to become anything other than Shizuo's hated enemy, the changes weren't intentional, but said changes soon inspired Shizuo to request a certain something from him.

That day, they began dating, or at least...Izaya allowed them to hold the title 'boyfriends'.

Shizuo was beyond happy, so much his whole family got to know, including Kasuka. However, Izaya did not want anyone else to know, and this should have meant something to Shizuo.

Being in a relationship, a truly positive one, was taxing for Izaya. Although he was grateful for remaining a virgin thanks to Shizuo, and felt he could trust him to a certain extent, he could not comprehend the meaning of the words 'love' and 'true happiness', and before Shizuo knew it...

They broke up.

Shizuo should have known that his love was not ready for affection, or to be affectionate. It was the fear of losing his chance that pushed Shizuo to try and get closer to Izaya, in case there would be no other time to propose. This was not the case. During that short period, Shizuo was on the receiving side of affections, or what was more like impulses. Izaya would kiss him when he wanted, play nice when he wanted, since he understood not the meaning of a mutual relationship; he only knew a relationship full of lies and manipulation.

Emotions grew stronger, too much for the heartless Izaya to bear. People were starting to suspect, and his control was quickly draining. Shizuo could see that these were the things Izaya was feeling prior to the time of their break up. Maybe even now, Izaya is in conflict with the rare emotions in him, awoken by the love Shizuo showed him during their teens.

Only out of love does Shizuo let Izaya, who had returned to being his enemy for nearly seven years, to come at him and get into his bed, even for a short, agonizing while. Shizuo would obey Izaya once he knew that, again, he could not hurt his love. He would touch him anyway he wanted, lick him, kiss him, anything...just to see the loving eyes, hear the loving words, that those true feelings of Izaya try to convey.

So many times has Shizuo let his love allow him to be controlled by Izaya. Although he was the one kept above in bed, he still felt like he was the one, having his insides torn apart by the half-hearted actions of a man who could never understand the meaning of true love.

Their fights were full of lies, at least on Shizuo's part. His shouts and yells were his way of letting out the steam, the anger he felt towards Izaya's evil side, the side that was preventing their love from finding a happy ending. Shizuo was mad, mad at himself as well for not confronting his love, and instead continues to throw objects at him with perfect aim, so perfect no one can tell he's purposely missing the raven everytime.

The times he hits, are to punish the evil Izaya for his actions, before something else, like a gang of perverts or an army of assassins come to do the favor instead.

In love with Izaya, Shizuo can only keep quiet and let the raven come at him, begging for the sweetness he gave up solely because...he couldn't understand it. Having a god-like complex, being a rather solitude person, a relationship based on trust and love was totally foreign to Izaya. His younger self couldn't stand it, unable to fully acknowledge its existence, hence no one could know.

Until the day he learns, comes to understand the meaning of love arrives, Shizuo will remain his servant, willing to obey for the sake of Izaya's happiness.

"I love you, Izaya."

Shizuo says on the next night they meet, this time he puts up no fight, though this only caused Izaya to claw, kick, slap and bite at him harder. Izaya needs the violence at the beginning, as a means to maintain the balance between his love and his hate for Shizuo. He will not love Shizuo too much, nor will he hate him too little. Knowing this, Shizuo decides he shall fight back again...next time.

As Izaya sits on the side of the bed, the double bed bought especially for Izaya's company, Shizuo reaches out towards that bare back with teary eyes, knowing full well that saying that - that confession - after all these years, will only anger Izaya greatly.

Not a word, not a sound, does the raven stand up and pick up his clothes.

Only the stomping of his feet, the quickness of his movements, and the slamming of the bedroom door inform Shizuo that Izaya did hear him, and hated what he heard.

Alone once again, Shizuo cries, hands over his sad, brown eyes.

* * *

**Owari**

* * *

**Author's Note** : Ahh...I got inspired by something to write this. It's New Years already yet I only just finished cleaning it up. How silly of me. Hope you liked it. Sorry it's short. I just wanted to know how it would turn out, what would people think of it once I wrote it.

Thank you for reading.


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